This Moment

When I was a child I used to watch a lot of soap operas, especially American sitcoms and romcoms. While these would be fun and cuteness, I could never connect to a lot of them. Part of it was the cultural setting of course, but the other part was also how conscious everyone appeared to be of their own and other person’s emotions — she’s this way because her best friend stopped speaking to her, he is this way because his brother always bested him when he was in school. Perhaps I’d never come across such situations in India or perhaps I just thought of them as very convenient plot devices, used to explain away character flaws (in my opinion, terrible past is no excuse for anyone to be a terrible person)

One such emotion/ phrase that these shows would frequently use was ‘commitment phobia’. As I said, I can be judgemental and old fashioned. While I am trying to work on that and improve, in the context of the above, I never understood how can someone give up on endless happy possibilities with friends or partners just because of a few bad incidents they’ve seen or experienced.

But if there’s anything that growing up has taught me, it’s that it’s one of the most real fears one can experience. The uncertainty that investments in a person, in a friendship or a relationship can go away in a matter of seconds scares the living daylights out of many people, and rightly so.

We come across tales of friends who have been stabbed in the back by people who they loved, of people reneging on professed love, of best friends who have now completely alienated each other, and of couples who had to walk away because life dictated so. Everyone experiences all of this some time or the other in their lives, some experience it sooner, some experience it more.

With this comes the fear of loss, doubts in the affection and friendship of people, and second-guessing every emotional investment in the making. Many people develop a deep distrust and foresee emotional trauma they will undergo, should they trust someone again. It becomes difficult to like new people and maintain old friendships, for how can you give a heartfelt hug to someone when you are always looking over your shoulder, always doubting what will happen next, always ready to run away before you are hurt? This can be a painful, depressing, and lonely place to be in. What does one really do?

I believe that this question really strikes at the heart of how we decide to live our lives. It is impossible to be able to tell how life will be ten years down the line or even ten months down the line. We can make promises of eternal everlasting love, of friendships on which sonnets shall be written, of brotherhoods that will stand the test of time and tide, but time can change everything, for better or for worse. Since the future is completely out of our control, the best we can do is with the time we have — the present, with the people, who are with us, this moment.

A life lived to the fullest, each day, every moment, is not only a happy life, but it also ensures there are no regrets. If we have partaken as many meals with our loved ones as we could have, if we have loved them like there is no tomorrow and told them that we love them, if we have laughed at every joke and if we have cried every time sadness presented itself, it makes parting ways more bearable and reminds you that just because it is over, does not mean it was not lovely. A song is not less beautiful because it has an end. There will be other songs as melodious, and they can be enjoyed without pining for the songs that have ended. It is indeed enough, that we have had today, and with this thought, perhaps it will be easier to live and love the people who still are, or will be, a part of our lives ❤